Orchid Spangiafora, Glands of External Secretion

* In process of stocking * Absolute collage hell from the bowels of several known earths. We have worked with the horrible Orchid Spangiafora (aka Rod Carew) before. Back in 2013 we were tricked into doing an expanded 2LP reissue of Rod's 1979 Twin/Tone album, Flee Past's Ape Elf. A mistake we swore we'd never make again. Glands are a different story, being a two-headed beast comprised of Allie Caulfied (of Just Bananas magazine) and Bobbi Manring (former leader of both Poop World and The Giant Scissors). Them we never worked with before. Things became confusing when we hosted a live show with one of Caulfield's other units, Pant Sniff & Dodo, who we thought were actually pretty cool. We suggested to Allie that maybe we should 'do something' together, and he eventually sent us this album, with a note that read, 'Done all by me! How is it?' Well, we were kinda confused by it, but rather than admit that, we told him it was 'cool, man.' He just giggled. Then we got the art, and the credits, and realized we'd been hoodwinked by the goon. Or goons, rather. But posing as a single goon, if you get my drift. So here we are, stuck again with a record we cannot make heads or tails of. Will we never learn? Apparently not. Hard for us to tell (and none of them will 'fess up) as to who did what. So I paid for a guy to go to Carew's house, ring the bell, hypnotize him with a lucky rock and ask him a few vague questions. He was not able to get any answers, so he ended up peeking through windows and snooping. From overheard conversations, he picked up the notion that the pieces were put together by the active participation of both Carew and Caulfield. Manring mostly played some guitar that was sucked up into the compositions as source material. Thus, she is the real hero of the project. She made actual music, while the other two jalopsters merely diddled with 'found sounds' and 'lifted tracks.' That they actually managed to turn these threads of unease into anything is quite remarkable. But clearly it was Bobbi's input that gave them a sort of starting point. Without her cunning strums, this would be just another 'Dime Operation' (slang for a cheap haircut). Anyway, when you listen to this record, remember -- we're as stumped as you are! The rhythms of the loops makes Ted want to dance, but they just make me hungry. So I'm gonna go get a box of donut holes. You want anything?" --Byron Coley, 2021